


Five Times Farah Black Came Out and One Time She Didn't

by dirkgcntly



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Anxiety, Dirk Gently - the anti drugs mascot, Farah-Centric, Gen, Internalized Homophobia, Paranoia, farah deserves love and support, hobbs ships farah and tina, let dirk have the dog costume tho he deserves it, maybe?? idk, me too hobbs, todd is supportive and kind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 19:52:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12824874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirkgcntly/pseuds/dirkgcntly
Summary: farah black and her Super Lesbian journey





	Five Times Farah Black Came Out and One Time She Didn't

**Author's Note:**

> Writing something? Me? Fucking likely apparently. Farah Black is a lesbian and she deserves the world. For the toads of course <3

She never meant to tell Tina, she never meant to tell anyone. Not for a while anyway but Todd and Dirk were lost somewhere in Wendimoor and whatever had or hadn’t happened at the party had started to grate at her skull and scratch at her neck like food caught in her throat. Tina was sat on the desk opposite her, rambling on about Hobbs and Panto, scissor swords and magic house wives and she lost it. Throwing her head on the surface in front of her, Farah let out what could only be described as a ‘wail’. Tina stopped her ranting and slowly walked over to her, patting at her back sympathetically.   
“Is this about Dirk and Todd? Or something else.” Tina asked.  
For the first time in her life, Farah thought – ‘what harm could talking to someone do?’   
“Something else.” She sniffed, through tears. She looked up to see Tina dragging an extra chair over to Farah’s desk.   
“What’s up, bud?”   
“I think I’ve really screwed things up, Tina.”  
As it turns out she had not really screwed things up. She talked things through with Tina who kept offering her tissues (which she didn’t need but accepted) and weed gummies (which she really wanted but politely declined). As soon as she told Tina what the exact nature of her problem was she start yelling.   
“Holy shit! Yes, dude, this is my fucking area, right here.”   
Surprisingly talking to a stoned bisexual cop with about 50 different plaits in her hair really helped. About an hour later, Farah was on her eighth cup of coffee, resting her head on Tina’s shoulder and thanking her for listening.  
“No problem girl, I know exactly what you’re going through. But your friends are still trapped in magic princey kingdom, so we should probably, like, get on that as soon as possible.”  
Shit.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
She told Dirk first because she thought it would be easiest. And it was. After Todd and Dirk found their way back from Wendimoor with Dirk’s stories about how cool it was to be a literal prophecy and Hobbs in tow (Farah still can’t quite wrap her head around how he ended up there but there are a lot of things in her life that she can’t wrap her head around lately), as Tina gave her a supportive thumbs up, she called Dirk into the station kitchen for a “quick chat.”   
“Dirk, I need to tell you something.”  
“Oh no. Is this about the case? Because I did solve it, Farah! It’s finished, and I never want to hear the words “find” or “boy” ever again and as a matter of fact – “  
“It’s not about the case Dirk.”   
“Oh. Then what’s it about?”   
Farah clasped her hands together and took as much air into her lungs as they could take.   
“I am..” she paused, collecting herself and reminding herself – it’s okay. You can do this. – and squeezed her eyes shut.   
“…. a lesbian.” She opened her eyes again and Dirk’s confused and lopsided smile had fallen. Dirk was the last person she expected animosity from and she could feel the anxiety and tension beginning to rise in her chest. She was about to ask him what was wrong when she felt his arms wrap comfortably tight around her shoulders and resting his head on her shoulder. She was taken aback slightly. Dirk pulled away, beaming at her.   
“Is that all, bloody hell! I thought there were more deaths!”  
Farah furrowed her eyebrows. “This is sort of a big deal for me, Dirk.”  
“Right. Yes. Sorry. Serious.” Dirk muttered, trying to suppress his grin and failing.  
Farah smiled at him. “Can I give you another hug?” asked her friend. She chuckled at him and pulls him closer to her, content and bordering on the happiest she’d felt in a long time. This was going to be easier than she thought.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Tina was God knows where doing God knows what and Dirk and Todd had wandered off to get pizza. Farah wasn’t sure she was ready for this one, her father was six feet under as was Patrick Spring so telling Hobbs was the closest she’d ever come to telling her father. He was picking up paperwork that he’d knocked on the floor for the fifth time that morning and mumbling something that she couldn’t hear.   
“Hobbs, can I talk to you for a second?”  
“Uh, sure. What’s up?” he asked, dumping the papers back on his desk.  
“It’s not really like a big deal or anything, I just wanted you to know...” Deep breaths, Farah. “I’m a lesbian.”   
“Cool. That’s great for you, Miss Black. Hey, do you want some coffee?”  
Still riding on the coattails of her sigh of relief, she nodded and watched Hobbs disappear into the kitchen. This was going better than expected, she still had to tell Todd, his sister and her own family but the lack of hitches so far were slowly building on her confidence. A few minutes later, Hobbs shuffled back in, coffee cups in hand. He handed her the drink with a knowing smile and said – “So, Tina, huh?”   
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
She’d checked the safety on her gun five times in the last two minutes. It’s something she’s always done when feeling nervous. Todd looked about as nervous as she felt. They were on the drive back to Seattle with The Rowdy 3 not far behind them and she knew it was about time to tell him. They’d stopped at a diner and were in the car waiting for Amanda to finish the joint that she’d not-so-subtly snuck off to smoke and Farah had sent a very reluctant Dirk after her – “But she’s going to do drugs, Farah, I don’t want to do drugs.” “You don’t have to do drugs, you just have to watch her do drugs.” After about another minute of the most uncomfortable silence either of them had ever felt, Todd turned his head.   
“You said we needed to talk?”   
“Yeah.” She answered through shaky breaths. Todd was her friend and a good person, he’d never judge her on something like this but faux guilt was eating up at her. She never intended for things to go this far, she’d never intentionally lead somebody on and she felt like she had. The last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt anybody.   
“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t wan-“   
“I’m gay, Todd.” She blurted out, before nerves got the better of her. Immediately, her anxiety began to take over and she buried her head in her hands to stop her from saying anything else.  
“Okay.” He said as she felt his hand rest on shoulder. Her head began racing with Farah’s Anxious Thoughts and its Greatest Hits such as ‘he hates me’ and ‘I’m an awful, shitty person.’ She lifted her head to try and say something but the only thing that would come out was quiet sobs.  
“Hey, shit, Farah, don’t cry.” Mumbled Todd as he rummaged around the glovebox for some tissues to no success. He turned her head in his direction and tried to wipe her cheeks with the sleeve of his hoodie.   
“Why aren’t you mad at me?” she asked, bordering on a panic attack and surprised that she managed to get through a sentence. Todd looked shocked.   
“Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you? I’m proud of you?”   
It was Farah’s turn to be shocked. “But at the party?”   
“Nothing happened. You fell asleep.” He smiled at her, genuine, warm and friendly. “You’re the bravest person I know.   
Farah rubbed at her eyes with her fingertips. “So why is this so hard?”   
“Because this isn’t like fighting a dozen armed men in a stairwell, Farah. You’re not trained for this.”  
Farah smiled at him and Todd let out a light chuckle followed by a “Jesus Christ, Dirk! What have we told you about slamming doors?”   
“Amanda’s going to be five more minutes.” Dirk looked up at the two of them and did a double take. Farah when back to checking her gun and Dirk leant up to Todd in the passenger’s seat. “Is she okay?” he whispered.   
“Yeah, Dirk. Everyone’s just fine.”   
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
They made it back to Seattle with no problems, other than the argument Dirk and Todd had when Dirk saw a dog’s pumpkin costume that he absolutely had to get - “Dirk, Halloween is over! And we don’t own a dog!” “But it’s so cute, Todd!   
Farah finally found herself in the closest place to home she had – Todd Brotzman’s beat up apartment. They’d stopped there for pizza and beer before they all went home. Dirk to his own apartment, Amanda to The Rowdy 3’s van and Farah herself to one of the boys’ sofas. She really needed to get herself a permanent place to stay sorted. But right now, she needed a beer. She dragged herself to the kitchen and started searching for a bottle opener.   
“Hey, Farah” said Amanda, leaning on the kitchen counter.   
“Hey Amanda, what’s up?”  
“Dirk said he feels like the boys are close so I’m going to wait outside for them. I think Todd’s a little scared of them. I just wanted to say thanks for saving my brother on many occasions.”   
Farah smiled at her, pulling her in for a hug and handing her a beer. “One for the road?” Amanda took it in her hand and saluted Farah as she headed towards the door. As soon as she heard the faulty door creak open, she remembered. “Wait, Amanda.” The younger girl stopped in her tracks and turned around and Farah jogged over to her. “I just wanted to let you know, I’m a lesbian.” She nodded. She wasn’t afraid anymore. “It’s sort of recent but not recent development.”   
Amanda was smiling from ear to ear. Wait, no. She was laughing.  
“Hey, Todd!” she yelled, through giggles. “I told you, didn’t I? The looks were ‘you-her’ not ‘her-you’”   
“Yeah, okay, Amanda, don’t rub it in.”  
“I’m proud of you, dude.” She turned to Farah. “Bring it in.”   
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The sky was painted a faint orange with the rowdies’ van sketched onto the foreground. She wasn’t sure how Amanda has convinced the three of them to go drink with her and the boys in some field in the middle of nowhere but she had. And that’s where they were. Everyone was a little tipsy but more importantly, everyone was smiling. She should have been having the time of her life, dancing with Amanda or listening to Dirk’s old case stories but she couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something she needed to do. And she knew what it was. She downed the rest of her beer for liquid courage and got out of one of the fold up chairs she’d thrown in the boot of the car before they left.   
“Hey, you okay?” Todd asked as she passed him.  
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just need to make a phone call. I’ll be right back.”  
She wandered a few yards from the rest of the group and pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. Scrolling through her contacts for her brother’s number she felt that familiar slow build of anxiety in her chest and the slight nausea in her stomach that she hadn’t felt for a while. She pressed the call button and as soon as she did she wanted the ground to swallow her whole.   
“You have reached the voicemail of –“  
“Fuck.” She whispered to herself, preparing for the tone, practicing what she wanted to say. Her brother had never said or done anything to make her think that he’s homophobic. Nobody in her family has but they have done a lot of things to make her think that they dislike her and with her paranoia getting the better of her she’d convinced herself that they’d take any chance they had to drag her down.   
The tone of the voicemail hurt her ears more than any gunshot she’d ever heard.   
“Hey, Eddie, It’s me. I’m just checking in, It’s nearly Christmas. I’ve got a little bit of news too. Um, you know what? Never mind, I’ll call you back another time.” And with that she hung up and exhaled loudly into the cold night air. She couldn’t tell him. She wasn’t ready, not yet. She looked back over to her friends. Amanda was throwing popcorn into Vogle’s mouth and the rest of the rowdies were throwing empty beer bottles into the sunset. Dirk and Todd were making eyes at each other over their fourth drink of the evening. She smiled. Eddie didn’t have to know, the people who mattered did. For the first time since she got that call from Lydia, she was sure that she was happy.


End file.
